Sunday, February 17, 2013

when a phone call changes everything, parts 2, 3, 4

not 12 hours after i posted my last blog, we received a phone call. a phone call that our birth mom was going into labor and wanted us in the hospital with her. that's right. the same woman who'd not returned calls or texts. for. two. weeks. she wanted us at the hospital with her. so, in shock, we hurried home, packed our bags, loaded the car, and drove for four and a half hours.

as you saw in my last post, we were in the process of mourning her already. we had some good conversation in that four hour drive, and were prepared to go up and minister to our birthmom no matter the outcome of this day or week. we don't know why we didn't hear from her for two weeks, where she was, if she was even safe. but in that moment, she asked for us. she asked if we were ready for our baby, if we were excited, but most importantly-- she wanted us there. so we were ready to be there for her

we made it to the hospital by about 3pm and were able to go into her room. she was nice. she was offering me hair tips. she said she had some baby clothes she'd like our baby to have. she was in pain, because, well, she was in labor. but she would smile with us and have conversations with us. it was just us with her. me, chris, the caseworker, and the birthmom. she delivered Remy very late in the evening, at almost 11pm. we were there, still just the four of us (along with the birthing team, of course). i was able to, for the first time in my life, watch the miracle of birth. i was the first person to hold Remy after they cleaned her up. she hardly cried at all- we thought she was the perfect baby. her big brown eyes scanned the room, seeming to take everything in. she was a whopping 5 lbs, so teeny tiny.

we left the hospital at about 1:30 in the morning. i only slept from 2:00-5:30 because i was so anxious to get back to the hospital and hold our daughter again. we knew we couldn't do that right away, because we'd be waiting to hear from our caseworker about how the day would play out. our birthmom's family would be visiting her in the hospital this day.

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let's go ahead and just title this section "when a phone call changes everything, part 3", shall we?

after wasting the day away, trying to take naps, shopping for last-minute baby supplies at target, dinner at buffalo wild wings, and finally perusing the baby section at a book store, we received another call from our caseworker. this was not a good one. this phone call told us a lot of information. actually, it's a summation of about three different phone conversations. i don't remember when they all happened. there was a call that said she was leaning towards parenting, which we were (relatively) okay with-- remember we came down to support the birthmom from the beginning, right? but then came the call that was the most painful because it dredged up anger inside of me. it made me lose my caring side for our birthmom. it showed me my idols and my need to control and how fake i was towards myself when i said i was just there for to support the birthmom.

i don't yet feel comfortable discussing this on the internet, but the end of that story is that the state ended up taking Remy. they took her brother and sister, as well.

and we healed. we survived the loss of our baby thanks to the prayers of our friends and family, the proper mourning procedures, and time off work. we could feel the covering of the holy spirit, and that's the only way that we came out on the other side as well as we did.

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part 4... since we're here, let's wrap this up properly, what say ye?

everyone who's been through this, whether from the parenting side, or the birthing side, or the caseworkers or the homestudy coordinators... everyone says adoption is an emotional rollercoaster. and it is. four days after we got back in town from our failed adoption, we received a call that we had been matched with another birthmom. we are currently waiting for our son our daughter to be born, in the next week or so!

i'm still in shock. but super excited. and cautiously optimistic. as we know more than many who go through the adoption process, the birthmom has the right to change her mind at any time. she has the right to parent her child. any time we get with the baby is a gift. and if we end up parenting, it's the ultimate gift from that birthmom. we're hopeful this time though. it's looking good. and of course, i'll let you know how it goes, whether it's good or bad.

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