Friday, April 27, 2012

Moment by moment

this has been in my draft folder for a few days. i figured there's no time like "grab a coffee and study with me" friday to post it.

last night i slept for 12 hours.

i fell asleep at 5:30, before husband even made it home from work, and slept solidly through the night. i evidently needed the rest, because i woke up feeling like a new woman. feeling strong, funny, confident. then the sink broke... and i acted like a jerk towards my husband. thus ended my fabulous morning, only 30 minutes in.

i cherish my good days, even my good mornings, because they just don't seem as frequent as i'm used to them being. i'm not depressed, i'm not sad, but i am in a season of life that is very challenging. i'm growing in my faith and in my role as woman and wife. thing is, it doesn't come easily. sure, it's comforting to stay where you are-- to choose the same things over and over, and hope the results don't change. but it isn't helpful in the long-term.

jesus calls us to carry our crosses to follow him. this doesn't mean just to struggle well. it means to leave our old lives and to live with and for him.

And he said to all, "if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?"
Luke 9: 23-25

and so, i take up my cross. i work every day, even every moment, to deny my thoughts of control and selfishness in order to be more christ-like.

my current cross is a difficult one. someone else said it best on their blog (that i can't find right now so please please tell me if it was you so I can properly credit you):

...{insert problem here} is a cross that takes one to the depth of what it means to be a creature and not the creator.

my biggest issue, control, comes from my desire to be even with, or even above, my creator. this is a strong reminder that i have control over nothing. that i'm just another one of god's magnificent creations in his awe-inspiring world.

not that it makes it any easier to struggle, but it does give me hope in my struggle.

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